Author Archives: sirjoshwood
BoJack Ice Cream
July 17th I got the gift I had been waiting nearly a year for, more BoJack Horseman episodes. In some ways I like the “every episode all at once” style of Netflix, but the problem is while the show is delicious ice cream, eating a ton of ice cream in one day has negative side effects. I burn through them so quickly that the wait for the next season feels even longer to me. I know I watched every episode of season one all in a single day, and it made the wait for season two feel longer. I know I shouldn’t complain, what’s stopping me from simply waiting week to week before watching a new episode. Perhaps I need to learn self control, like I do with ice cream. I mean, not this season, I’m already five episodes in, but maybe next season.
side note: Am I the only one who thinks BoJack’s nose looks like an upside down ice cream cone or am I just obsessed with ice cream.
Geek Etiquette: The Walking Fed Up
Our society is obsessed with zombies. There are multiple zombie based tv shows, films, video games, board games, there are even zombie themed restaurants (Because apparently eating a regular hamburger at a regular hamburger shop wasn’t good enough for you). I’m not saying of there are a couple of examples I am saying there is a hoard of examples, a hoard that is slowly surrounded us in a barn while we were all too busy interneting and swiping right. There were over 50 zombie movie last year! There were over 20 zombie board games that came out last year. Most people don’t even know that 20 board games come out in a year, much less with the same theme. Hell, we like zombies so much we add it to intellectual properties that normally don’t have zombies. I’m looking at you Pride and Prejudice.
Zombies are popular, right? So why do people keep telling me how much they hate them? People keep complaining about how there are too many things with zombies, which I agree with, but obviously people must me loving these brain eater or there wouldn’t be so many products on the market. But people insist they hate them. Or at the very least, people will tell me, “Oh I don’t normally like zombies, but this one is different,” or, “This is good because it’s about the people and not the zombies.”
And I think that statement might annoy me more than anything else. “It’s all about the people.” I thought that was the whole reason we started using zombies. Zombies don’t have care or emotion unlike vampires or witches, zombies exist as a mindless threat so you can focus more on the survivors. Just look at a film like Night of the Living Dead, wether it was intentional or not, Ben being a black man was a very important part of the film, even more important, in my opinion, when he is shot in the end of the film. 28 Days Later has the King Kong ending where we are the monsters (To be fair the zombie are also monsters too).
So I guess my geek advice is: Don’t worry if you like something with zombies. You don’t have to qualify it with, “I normally don’t like zombie thing but…” With any medium and genre there is a good chance that some of it will be good and some will be bad, some pointless (I’m looking at you Organ Trail) The thing you should avoid is being so open about your hate for zombies. This year the card game I Hate Zombies is coming out. Why? If you hate zombies why did you make a zombie game? I know it’s because you like zombies but still want to appear to be like the cool kids that hate zombies, or you think your consumers are mindless creature that only want one thing… brains, I mean zombie things.
It’s My Quinceañera And I’ll Cry If I Want To
It’s Time to Mantis Up
Geek Etiquette: Top Ten Lists
Like most geeks I love making top ten lists and reading other people’s “top tens”. Unfortunately I think that some of us nerds do a poor job with it, because they fall victim to the “Top Ten Overfill”. This is where a geek loves a series so much that they fill their top ten list with superfluous information. For instance if a lister likes Lord of the Rings that’s ok with me, but you don’t have to fill your entire list with all three movies. If your top ten contains three movies from the same series you’re doing wrong. Seriously. Top ten lists are about this delicate balance of trying to include many things you like without filling them up with redundant information. Nobody would like it if I put six Wes Anderson movies in a top ten list even if the list was “Top Ten movies with striking color palettes and French music”
I have a friend and I know his top 13 favorite movies by heart: 1-6 are the six Star Wars films (yes prequels too), 7-9 the three Lord of the Rings movies, and 10-13 the four Indiana Jones movies (yes this means he likes Crystal Skull more than any other non LotR, Star Wars, or Indy flick).
Now I know what you’re thinking. Couldn’t he just say his number 1 is Star Wars, number 2 is Lord of the Rings, number 3 is Indiana Jones, and then his number 4 is his 4th favorite movie (I believe it’s Braveheart, but I honestly can’t remember for sure because too much of my memory is spent trying to remember the order of his favorite Star Wars films). It’s a good idea, but I don’t like that either. Just pick one. If I ask what’s your favorite movie and you say Star Wars, I don’t know what to think. Is Empire his favorite or does he like Speeder bikes and Ewoks of Return of the Jedi? So just say my favorite movie is Star Wars: A New Hope, it’s a specific answer but I can assume you like other Star Wars movies. Once again, I’m not going to put six Wes Anderson movies in my Top Ten, but if I say Rushmore is my favorite movie, you can probably assume I like other Wes Anderson movies or at least I give you a follow up question.
“Do you like other Wes Anderson films?”
“Yes! I’ve really got a thing for rich color palettes and old songs I can’t sing along to!”
So next time I ask you what your favorite movie is and you say Star Wars, don’t be surprised if I answer with: “My favorite movie is Wes Anderson.”
Deflategate: Cheaters Never Prosper, Except in the NFL
If you haven’t heard about deflategate or “Ballgazhi” let me quickly break it down. There appears to be an investigation going on after Sunday night’s AFC Championship game. There is a possibility that the football the Patriots used in the game may have purposely deflated, making it the ball easier to throw and catch, especially in the rain.
Tom Brady has called the claims of the deflated balls ridiculous, but I don’t think so. After spygate in 2007,the season in which the Patriots were caught videotaping the Jets’ defensive signals (aka cheating), I don’t think the Patriots have any right to get defensive about anyone questioning their honor. Once you’ve cheated on a large scale, your punishment is that people will continue to think you’re a cheater. I believe after spygate Bill Belichick, who was fined the maximum amount allowed, should not have been allowed to keep his job. He should’ve been fired or at least the team should’ve been forced to change their name to the New England Pumpkin Eaters.
Let’s say the balls were deflated, but the Patriots didn’t intentionally do it. Maybe there was a mix up, they had a weighing issue, or maybe Lane Kiffen did it to frame Bill. In a way you’re still cheating. If Tom Brady, or any other player, noticed at any point during the game that the ball felt weird in a way you’re cheating. If in a board game, someone deals me an extra $20 it becomes my responsibility to mention it, not the person who dealt the cards.
In 2014 there was a championship for the board game Ticket to Ride. The winner, Erwin Pauelsen, was stripped from his titled when he was caught cheating by online spectators of the game taking extra turns. At first Pauelsen seemed to be confused by the situation saying he was tired and accidentally made a mistake in the game. And so on one hand are we supposed to jump down the throat of someone who made a mistake in a game? Even I have made a mistake in a game. But the fact of the matter is this was a tournament, and he turn several extra turns, at a certain point people will stop believing you. Maybe the Patriots didn’t cheat, but once you’ve been caught and excused several other times it becomes hard to ignore. Some people will continue to deny that the Patriots ever cheated in the first place. Some people just love their heroes too much to hear about how they are not as squeaky clean as they once thought. #Bill Cosby
It Doesn’t Matter if You’re Black & White
Here’s a weird gripe of mine. It’s a little weird when people tell me they don’t want to watch a specific movie because it’s too old. I understand if not everyone wants to watch a black and white silent picture like Nosferatu or Metropolis, but now I encounter people who wont even see movies from the 70’s. In fact, when I worked at Blockbuster (a scene in which I assumed movie lovers would work) my co-workers made fun of me for watching a movie from 1998 in the store, they claimed that that was too old for a movie. Typically in these scenarios I point out Disney movies that they liked as a kid. Most people forget that their precious movies like Bambi came out in 1942.
But there’s a flip side. People complain about new movies. I worked on five different movies as a stereo-compositor. I would tell people that my job was converting movies into 3D. Gross, 3D sucks, it’s just a gimmick, were among the comments I’d hear. This isn’t a new concept, luddites have always been around, even in film. There were people thought color and sound were horrible when they first came out, even film was viewed as nothing more than a carnival gag.
What’s my point? Maybe we should be less critical of technology and just enjoy film and the stories it tells, or maybe I’m just trying to distract you from the fact that I didn’t post anything in November or December. Who knows?
Djinn Denial
Rent, Blu-Ray, Bin
There’s an old conversation game known as Fuck, Marry, Kill. It’s got tons of names: Boff, Marry, Kill, Wed, Bed, Kill Fuck, chuck, Marry etc. The rules are always the same. Someone chooses 3 people and the other players have to choose which of those they would kill, fuck, and marry. Typically the 3 people are celebrities or in saucier examples co-workers. For example: If someone gave me Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, and Mila Kunis. I respond something like: Shag Mila, Marry Jen Law, and Kill Emma (Sorry someone has to go). I actually think that this game can be kind of lame, unless you play with me. I throw in weirder angles and make it more exciting. I don’t really care that my friend wants to bed Natalie Portman, I want to give them tough situations that they have to piece out. FMK: Tony the Tiger, Lucky The Lucky Charms guy, or Snap, Crackle, and Pop together. No my friends choices sound more interesting. Well I think Tony would be GREAT! but Snap, Crackle, and Pop seem like good providers, hmmm Lucky is too manic for me.
I have invented a new game. Sure it may not be as thrilling as deciding which breakfast cereal characters you’d romp around with, but at least this one you can play with your parents. Rent, Blu-Ray, Dollar Bin. One person chooses 3 movies and the contestants must decide which one they’d rent (watch once), Blu-ray (Spend money on and display in their home), or “Dollar” Bin (Thinks it belongs in a dollar bin, and would never want to watch).
So there you go: Rent, Blu-Ray, Bin. You can make your friends choose between their favorite movies or their least favorite.
What do you think?
The Animal, Baby Geniuses, From Justin to Kelly
Josh Wood Jokes 